Some books entertain us. Some teach us. A few change the way we see the world.
For me, that book was Spiritual Friendship by St. Aelred of Rievaulx.
I was introduced to St. Aelred during the Summer of Saints study at St. James Episcopal Church in the summer of 2025. At first, I thought I was simply learning about another medieval saint. Instead, I discovered someone who helped me understand my own heart.
When I was a child growing up on our farm in Mississippi, I had a very close friend named Danny. We spent countless hours exploring the woods, playing around the farm, and imagining adventures only boys can imagine. Then tragedy struck. Danny was accidentally shot and killed by a family member.
I don’t think I ever completely recovered from that loss.
Over the years, I have welcomed people into my life, but I have always kept a part of myself guarded. I have often found reasons not to become too close. Looking back, I think I feared losing another friend.
St. Aelred understood something I had never fully put into words. He wrote:
“Thus friendship, by dividing and sharing, makes prosperity more splendid and adversity more tolerable… the best medicine for life is a friend.”
Those words settled deep within me.
God has blessed me with a few such friends.
I met Richard after moving back to Mississippi in 1995. Many evenings we would drive country roads or find a restaurant, talking and laughing for hours. We shared life’s joys, disappointments, questions, and dreams. Although I moved away in 2006, we still stay connected through messages. Time and distance have never diminished our friendship.
I met Chris during those same years in Mississippi. We have remained close through the years, and today we both worship in Episcopal churches. In many ways, Chris encouraged me to take my first steps into the Episcopal Church, a journey that has become one of the greatest blessings of my life.
Then there is Evelyn. We enjoy sharing meals, talking on the phone, reflecting on faith, and discussing what it means to grow older with grace. Our conversations remind me that friendship does not depend on age or circumstance but on the willingness to truly listen.
Reading Spiritual Friendship helped me realize just how precious these friendships really are. More than that, it reminded me that friendship is one of God’s greatest gifts.
That realization inspired another dream.
During the past year, I have slowly transformed my living room into what I call my “front porch.” I have arranged the furniture to invite conversation rather than isolation. It reminds me of the porch at our old farmhouse, where my family gathered every evening after a day in the fields.
There were always rocking chairs. Mama might be shelling peas or snapping beans. Daddy often had the radio on, listening to the St. Louis Cardinals. Neighbors felt free to stop by without an invitation. Sometimes travelers would simply pull over, wave, and stay for a visit.
The front porch was the invitation.
It quietly said, “Come sit a spell.”
People looked one another in the eye. They laughed together. They carried one another’s burdens. Children listened more than they talked, and in that listening they learned about life.
I want my own front porch to become that kind of place.
St. Aelred described true friendship as two people “clinging to one another in the Spirit of Christ,” becoming “one heart and one soul.”
When I think of Richard, Chris, and Evelyn, I understand exactly what he meant.
The older I grow, the more convinced I become that friendship is one of God’s ways of healing the wounds life leaves behind. Danny’s death taught me how deeply loss can hurt. St. Aelred taught me that the answer to loss is not to close the heart but, little by little, to open it again.
My heart is still learning.
And I believe it is big enough for a few more friends to come sit a spell on the front porch.
The Curious Pilgrim 
Leave a comment